philosophy throwdown

Came across a seriously mind-altering concept today, followed by a seriously motivating (and unrelated) quote...thought I'd share since it really made me stop and think for a second - which happens to be a pretty rare occurrence.

Tetrapharmakos: "The four-part cure," is the Greek philosopher Epicurus' (341 BC, Samos – 270 BC, Athens) remedy for leading the happiest possible life. The "tetrapharmakos" was originally a compound of four drugs (wax, tallow, pitch and resin); the word has been used metaphorically by Epicurus and his disciples to refer to the four remedies for healing the soul

The four part cure is as follows:

Don't fear god,

Don't worry about death;

What is good is easy to get, and

What is terrible is easy to endure

What a cure to live by. For someone who worries about the unknown, the unforeseen, the possibilities, the probabilities - this is such an inspiring viewpoint. When you read through the logic behind the four-part cure, the reasoning behind each line, the clarity with which it explains the rules for living is so simple and easy to follow- it becomes so obvious. 

The other quote I stumbled upon maintains probably the single-most motivating factor in how I live my life and make decisions every day. Despite my relatively high anxiety levels with regard to most aspects of my life, I do my best to avoid complacency, and when given the option, always try to take the risk when it makes sense, despite the potential pitfalls, because I know picking up the pieces is a lot easier than trying to go back in time and change the things you wished you'd done different. So there ya have it... Carpe Diem, babes.

"...the most dangerous risk of all - the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later."

-Randy Komisar, The Monk & The Riddle

Doing well by Doing good

Stumbled across these awesome little bitties by Layak + Jac. I'm a huge fan of piling multiple bracelets of various styles on my wrists circa 1994, so this is totally my bag. But the best part about these are the fact that each purchase of a Layak + Jac bracelet directly supports an Andean family, plus all proceeds go back to the local community - and they are effin adorable and in a bajillion colors so what's not to love, really?

Start 'em up

I decided to get this engine running again, solely for the purpose of sharing this video with the zero people that read this blog, but in the hopes that someone will watch this. Seriously, seriously incredible - I need to cartwheel off a cliff like that. I died watching this - in fact, I think it got MY adrenaline going and I'm just sitting here staring at a computer screen. WTF

I Believe I can Fly ( flight of the frenchies). Trailer from sebastien montaz-rosset on Vimeo.

The Theory of Social Validation

"When we are uncertain about what to do we will look to other people to guide us. And we do this automatically and unconsciously."
 -Robert Chialdini, PhD

In psychology there is a theory that claims that in order to be successful, and view ourselves as such, we need to know that others (specifically the "right" people for the given situation) recognize us as capable and successful for the task.

Anyone that knows me knows that I can be the most indecisive person in the world, and when it comes to major life decisions? Forget it. I will consult everyone from my mom (at least a dozen times), my friends, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's parents, my grandma, my professors, my colleagues, blah blah blah. For some reason I have always found it really challenging to just make a decision and commit to it, mainly because I like to weigh any and all possible scenarios -- really, it's a loooong process.

My recent decision to quit work and move here surprisingly required much less consultation than one would think. I surprised myself in my determination to commit to a plan and do it, knowing the possible risks, high stakes involved, and huge sacrifices I would be making. In telling people about my plans, my decision wasn't met with overwhelming positivity and support by everyone, in fact a lot of people thought it was cool, but questioned it, and likely thought I had lost it.

If nothing else, the whole event has taught me that I am capable, I can make a decision - especially a big one, like quitting my perfectly stable well-paying day job to move to an island and sling beers - and be confident in my personal success. Frankly, I'm just now learning my own personal measurements of success, and I'm not so sure I want to measure it in money or possessions. There is something to be said for finding joy and happiness in simple things...while I don't think I will ever live in the middle of a nowhere in a shack with no heat and no running water...my time here has already opened my eyes up to just how unnecessary excess is. Biking to get around, buying produce from the farmer's market, having no access to a shopping mall - it's pretty incredible to realize how much money I used to blow between Target and Rite-Aid, and for no reason, just to accumulate more stuff.

All in all, the theory of social acceptance is one that's had a constant presence in my life, and recent events have taught me that this theory, while mostly accurate, doesn't have to govern every decision we make. Sure there are people that live their lives only making the decisions they want, but then there are people like me, who seek out the advice of others, assessing all possible scenarios, weighing on the guidance received and then making a final decision.

This adventure has at least allowed me to disconnect from my tendency towards social validation. There is always room for improvement, but this is for certain a step in the right direction.

Like I always say...

'just do what feels right.'

Sage Advice

You will be the same person twenty years from now if not for the people you meet, the books you read and places you travel.

I already know the people...time to go read some books and see some places.

Kaleidoscoping

You know when you look into a kaleidoscope and all of the colors and images keep shifting and moving everytime you turn it? How the shapes change and you can make out certain figures, but not others? How depending on what you ultimately want to see, you will? Or, maybe when you look into it you don't know what to expect, and half the fun is in trying to find the best, most absolutely amazing combination of shapes and colors that is humanly possible, so you point it in every direction possible trying to come up with that strikingly beautiful collision of imagery.

Last week I decided to approach my life the same way. So I quit my job.

Yeah. I did it. Mmmmhmmm. It was equal parts scary, sad, exciting, fulfilling, anxiety-inducing, invigorating, awesome, panic-stricken, refreshing, stupid and brilliant.

When it comes down to it, we are the only people that can control our own destiny. The burden of debt that any person faces (including myself) is only as debilitating as you allow it to be. At the end of the day, doing what you love is more important than doing something just for the sake of complacency or safety. Do I panic at the thought of not having a steady paycheck, and having to actually hustle to pay my bills? Yes, of course. Who wouldn't? But still, I also panic at the thought of sitting at a desk in front of a staring unblinking into monitor in a fluorescent lit office for the next 30 years.

So, when do you decide to take the leap? For me, it ultimately became a (after a long few weeks of consideration and waffling) 'Why not now?' scenario. There's a reason certain cliches exist, such as 'no time like the present', 'carpe diem', 'jump and the net will appear'  and blahdey blah blah 'life goes on' and blah blah.

But it's true - we all have to acknowledge our own personal tipping points. I've done a lot of reading over the past several months about all of these amazing people who have taken career breaks or revamped their lifestyles completely to pursue a location independent career. What the crap is that and I want it now. So, had I not made this decision now, I think the alternative could have only been never...a situation I wasn't prepared to find myself in.

I'm taking the approach that this magical net will appear. When and where, and in what form -- frankly, who cares because it will be better than the tangled mess I was in, laboring away towards a goal I wasn't even sure I wanted.

viva un vida loca, my friends...now go find your tipping point, and cross your fingers for that net!

Survivor: What you Need to Know.

Stumbled across this post on 50 things everyone should know. Needless to say, I was fascinated, particularly by the fact that one of the most vile, disgusting, slimy, vomit-inducing creatures on my list of things-that-I-will-never-touch can be compared in taste to one of my most favorite things in all of life.. (not James Franco...BACON.)


WTF. What other crucial bits of nature and the world and edible bugs do I not know that I must learn in order to find true happiness? Why has this never been brought to my attention what with all of the people who know my undying love for and borderline religious relationship with bacon????


Anyways, for your viewing pleasure, I've outlined 31 things that, in my humble but expert opinion, that I think every person should know, as follows:
1. Compulsive shopping is a real illness
2. In Mexico they harvest corn that has been infected with fungus, can it and sell it - ever here in the US - it's called Cuitlacoche or Huitlacoche (google it and get ready to vom)
3. If there were no moon Earth would be subject to constant gale force winds
4. No matter who you are or how you drive, chances are I think you are a TERRIBLE driver if I am driving behind you
5.Every man should know how to drive a manual transmission car
6. Wearing headphones for 1 hour will increase bacteria in your ear by 700x
7. The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million
8. The first subway system in America was built in Boston, Massachusetts in 1897
9. An oyster can change its gender
10. We only dream of people that we have seen before- any of the millions of faces that we have seen since we are born can and will show up in our dreams. You never dream up something that you haven't seen at some point.
11. It is possible for your hair to turn white from shock... but not overnight! Hair pigment is produced in the hair shaft beneath the skin, so it would take about 13 days for any white hairs to show
12. A single hair can support up to 100 grams in weight and a whole head of hair could support up to 12 tonnes - the equivalent of two African elephants!
13. The American Association for Nude Recreation, founded in 1931, says that the nude wedding industry is now worth $440 million a year.

14. Humans are the only mammals whose primary sexual position is face to face with bodies in full contact

15. CraigsList gets more than 20 Billion pageviews a month
16. Humans carry more Bacterial Cells than Human cells...you are more bacteria than you are you.
17. Tiger shark embryos fight each other in their mother's womb, the survivor is then born... I like to think that's how I came into the world too.
18. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
19. Elephant teeth can weight as much as 9 pounds.
20. The pound (#) key is called an octothorp.
21. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines. Great mental image there, folks. Pretty sure my brothers used yo-yos as weapons against me when we were younger, too. 
22. Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking Countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang Yourself."
23. More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss. Ooh, la la.
24. Camels have 3 eyelids.

25. On average, you’ll spend a year of your life looking for misplaced objects..unless you're my mom then that number jumps to two

26. The last letter to be added to our alphabet was J (perhaps that's why there is no 'J Street' in South Boston?

27.  Mexican jumping beans jump to get out of sunlight.

28. Rinsing bacon under cold water before frying can reduce the amount it shrinks by almost 50 percent

29. Censor for small children: If an average human scrotum were stretched until all its wrinkles were smoothed out, it could hold a basketball. Pretty insane if you ask me.

30. Similarly, the skin needed for elbow transplants must be taken from the scrotum of a cadaver.

31. An African ostrich egg weighs almost 30 pounds and is so strong that a 200-pound man can stand on it without it breaking

32. 'Alien Hand Syndrome' is a real  neurological disorder in which the sufferer’s hand seems to take on a mind of its own due to the damage in the medial motor frontal region of the brain and often occurs after a brain surgery, a stroke or an infection of the brain.

So go impress a boy/girl/tranny with your knowledge of useless information and I guarantee it will incite more conversation than whatever you'd plan on saying otherwise. 

Who wants to bet I forget 31 of these facts within an hour?

You were always saying NOTHING, but it was so PROFOUND!

Feel good Wednesday Jam coming in hot.

Just try not to get up and shake it to this diddy. thank me later..after you're done sweating off all that shit you put in your body this weekend and checkin out your own dancemoves in the bedroom mirror.

thrill me

For someone who doesn't write nearly as often as I'd like to, I don't claim to be a "writer" or even a "blogger" for that matter....hell I barely read these days, not that I'm proud to admit it...I'm feeling very underwhelmed by my surroundings. Today feels like Monday..and this day, this week, this month feels lacking in anything inspiring. This place, this job, this city, these people have become so mundane. I know, I know - things can always be worse- and I should be finding excitement in the little things - but I want something BIG. I'm tired of little. I'm bored with it. I'm bored with most things of late.

Why is life a cycle, and why are the days routine? Who made these rules up?!

Every morning I wake up is Groundhog's Day lately --  I am desperate to be surprised, engaged..thrilled.

I want to do this:

Needless to say I need to muster up the energy to be positive about the things I do have, and the opportunities that do exist. I also need to face the reality that anything I want to do badly enough I will make happen- and not wait for things to fall into place. As much as I think things happen for a reason, and the pieces will fall where they may, if you've found yourself in a position that you don't like, you have to fight your way out. No Universe is aligning for a person who isn't making every effort to effect change.

This morning I decided I'm going to try meditating. I'm forcing positive energy into my brain the second I wake up. A lot of the people who DO inspire me speak very highly about meditation. So, for Lent (ok, a little late) for just because...I am going to meditate every morning for 10 minutes - clear my head, selectively collect my thoughts and embrace the day.

I'm really hoping this will be a long-term change I make in my life. I've found meditation in yoga practice before to be incredibly therapeutic, but I have never gotten good at it, because I would only do it those odd times I went to yoga. Hopefully I can truly learn to meditate, and impact a positive change in my mood and overall perception. Here goes nothin!

maybe one day I'll have this view..but for now I'll settle for the window in my bedroom.

Namaste, friends.

"To put your life in danger from time to time..

... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities." -- Nevil Shute, 'Slide Rule'.

This quote is perfect- it sums up pretty much everything I believe in life. And as promised, the Costa Rica zipline video. I wish I was good at video editing and could add some cool music but alas, the raw version you will get.

check it.

Afraid of Dying

We've all been asked the question - "what's your BIGGEST fear?" and my answer is the same everytime, and it seems no amount of coaxing can convince me to be more scared of anything else.

DYING.

Who isn't afraid of the unknown? I love life way too much for it to just end one day. the end. that's it. no fat lady singing, no floating spirits into the clouds, no 21 gun salute. Just....black.

Well, Tyler Tervooren over at Advanced Riskology wrote this awesome comparison of the likelihood of dying from some of people's worst fears:

And the chances of dying from the number one fear - public speaking - is pretty much zero. Interesting perspective, seeing as we are always making excuses NOT to do things because of the danger associated with them.

So what the hell throw caution to the wind-- god knows death didn't even cross my mind when I went skydiving, but it sure as hell does every so often when I am driving in to work in the morning. Funny how that is- my fears of death can be so rational at times, but my lack of it in other situations is almost laughable.

From the rubble comes...

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.”
-Einstein

That quote really struck me this morning. I spend far too many days dreading the monotony of what has become a life lived that is actually much more exciting than I give it credit for. Despite the seemingly endless hours spent behind a desk at work and hours logged in the evening at the gym, I get to do a lot of cool stuff that I totally take for granted.

I can bitch and moan about work all I want, but that's what affords me the opportunity to roadtrip through Costa Rica, spend weekends camping in Maine, hiking in New Hampshire, long weekends on Martha's Vineyard, snowboarding in Vermont, countless concerts all over the Northeast, visits to NYC, impromptu weekend jaunts to Rhode Island/Chicago/New York, skydiving in Western Massachusetts, dinners in the North End of Boston, Pats games, seeing the Sox/Yankees rivalry in realtime at one of the nation's oldest ballparks- Fenway, outdoor festivals, old school New England clambakes in the summertime, sailing lessons in Boston Harbor...

the list continues, and the best part is, those are all things I've just done in the last year.

Sometimes I need to be reminded to stop and smell the roses - I've managed to do everything I set out to in my lifetime, and I'm thankful to have the willpower to stick to my guns. But the flip side of that coin, is that the yearning for newness never fades - from each adventure is born a new one, with each conquest comes a new goal set, and with each endeavor embarked on a new mission is unraveled. I have never been able to sit back and relish in my accomplishment, my success is felt in just a fleeting moment and then my mind quickly wanders to..what next?

Well-- here's what's next for me for the next few months - and don't dare me to add anything to this list because I will, whether I want to or not (it's just too hard to say no for fear of missing out on an incredible experience):
-Flying a plane in March
-Bonnaroo in June
-Warrior Dash in late June
-Teach in Vietnam in September

..and that's just a tasting of some things that are bound to be taking place amidst a peppering of other last-minute, peer-pressured or self-inflicted challenges.

So no time like the present to truly revel at the beauty in really creating our own blueprints for our own lives - it's only taken me 25 years to realize that no matter what anyone else will say to me I am the only one that's responsible for the stories I'll be telling at 80- and I want them to be good.

a leap, a plunge, a dive, a jump

So in the past few months I've been doing a lot of reading, research, whatever you want to call it, on long term travel and career breaks, career changes, sabbaticals, what have you.
Yesterday I stumbled across the opportunity of a lifetime after being directed to Sean's blog Location 180. I've been toying with the idea of an international relocation for quite some time now-- but the usual excuses (work, bills, student loans, finances, etc. etc.) have kept me from committing. I looked back into Sean's old posts and found that he had gone through the EXACT same struggle before he jumped ship to Thailand with nothing but a  backpack and a laptop.

Sean pretty much grappled with the same issues I did, and I swear he was inside my head (or maybe I have been inside his) because he writes verbatim what I've been thinking all along.

Right now I'm committed to living the life I want, and only I can build it. I refuse to succumb to the pressures of society that say that I have to sit on my ass at a desk for 10 hours a day to be a productive member of society. Me firing off emails to other people wealthier than I is not contributing much to any society, except for the upper class gentry of which I'll never be a part of if I stay on this track. My motivation is lost, my mission is no longer true, and I have such an anxious yearning to do something bigger- to really follow my dreams.

I have a litmus test of sorts that I use on myself to determine if something is worth doing - it's always worked in the past, and I suspect it will work now. If I have an idea of something I want to do that scares the absolute crap out of me with not an inkling of an idea of what the potential outcome could be, or ramifications for that matter - if I'm struggling with the decision but there is an eagerness and excitement about the uncertainty... I've got to go for it. It's just how I operate and it's how I've done what I've been able to accomplish in my life so far:
- Moving to Florida from NY at age 17
- Moving to Boston from Florida at age 19
- Backpacking Europe at 21 with no plan, no guidebooks and NO clue
- Whitewater Rafting in the Swiss alps with a CRAZY Aussie guide and a bunch of Germans
- Skydiving in Western Mass. (not only skydiving but backflipping twice out of the plane)
- Whitewater Rafting the highest water release in the mountains of Maine
- Leaving a secure full time job in PR to pursue a Biz. Dev. position at an Internet startup (which later failed)
- 2 weeks of road tripping through Costa Rica including a trek through the jungle and finishing the highest, longest zipline in the country ('Superman' style -- I'll post the vid soon)

27 hour ferry ride with friends- Venice to Greece

handstands in the Coloseum

romanced in Paris

getting ready to skydive

driving through the California desert

Now I've been spending the past 2+ years in a job that I like (I use that term loosely), but it certainly doesn't thrill me. So, as usual, I am restless and ready for a change. I've had a timeline in my head since I moved back to Boston after graduating, that time came and went, and now I'm holding myself to a new timeline -- fall of 2011.  That means I need to decide and I need to decide fast.

Here are some of the plans that I'm seriously considering:

• Teaching English abroad - most likely Thailand or Taiwan, maybe S. Korea - the last two are more lucrative financially, but the first one is ...simply put.... paradise. 
• Risk: Expensive - if I pursue this it's going to mean sinking at least $4K into getting a CELTA certification, getting to my destination and incurring living expenses until work starts. CELTA is the most expensive but most broadly accepted certification, and the only one accepted in EU countries (plus it's a salary booster because of its credibility)
• Plus I would be A-L-O-N-E in a very, very different environment where I have no prior experience, no understanding of the language/culture/food/customs....life. Gotta consider my mental state, yo. Thailand is attractive due to the fact that it's home to so many expats I don't think I would feel quite so out of my element, but pay here is lower than in Taiwan or Vietnam. 
• Au Pair in Italy - always been on my bucket list to live in Italy, given the strict EU permissions around non-EU citizens working in Europe (basically impossible unless company sponsored) this seems like the way to go, plus a lot of these families are pretty loaded and looking for a nanny that can travel with the fam. 
• Not really launching me into a new career..really just delaying the inevitable.
• 6 month visa to Australia - not sure what I'd do, but it would get me out of here and settled somewhere else. I could figure this one out as I go along, I think....
• But - it's so far!!!!!!!

So there ya have it. I'll be posting my bucket list in the next few days...mostly for my own good rather than anyone else's. Gotta sort all this shit out some how - I've had a traffic jam in my brain going on 5 months that's just about ready to collide.

a stitch in time

I got stitches earlier this week. Don't look at this if you get at all queasy. I'm not gonna lie, and you can judge me, I was PSYCHED to get them. It really reaffirms my bad-assness, I think. Plus, it'll be my second legit scar so that's cool because I think scars are kinda rad on girls...well, I guess it depends on the scar, really...prob it's location too because I def don't want the Continental Divide running down the middle of my face I'm all set with that.

Check it.

Epiphany vs. Instinct

I realized a funny thing 2 days ago. After battling back to back snow storms followed by freezing rain, a night capped off in hail, tears and a half mile long walk in ice back to my apartment..I walked in to find my hero of a boyfriend pouring me a healthy glass of wine. I was inconsolably upset, mostly from work but a tad from the treacherous battle of parking spots that commences after every snow storm in my neighborhood. I vented for a solid twenty minutes while gulping sipping my wine, tears flowing like a five year old who just got denied an ice cream cone. Eventually after my rant I calmed down, took a deep breath, another slug of wine and I dug into my work bag and ripped out a recipe for these:

PS- got this recipe from http://picky-palate.com/ - Jenny is a rockstar of a mom/chef/superhero and I wanna be her when I grow up..she has no idea who I am btw.

Sinful and slightly fat kid disgusting, I know. Oreo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies. These ones are like, half the size of the monsters I put out. But anyways, I take one more slug of wine and then skip downstairs and start taking my aggression out on two sticks of butter.

While I was stirring, baking, measuring and making an overall mess of my kitchen...I noticed how much I had calmed down from my earlier panic attack. I had completely forgotten about it.

So then I started thinking that, given my recent quarter life crises/life analysis, is this how people find their true calling? I never thought of being a baker or a chef, but to this day I still claim my all time favorite job ever was working in an Italian bakery for 3 years in high school. So...does that mean that I need to start thinking outside the boundaries of what I think my college degree afforded me? Or was this just my natural instinct-- to focus on something else that requires undivided attention to forget about the troubles of my day. I just really  enjoy cooking and baking, but I'm not sure I could devote a lifetime to it. Then again, I have always LOVED the idea of opening up my own bakery/coffee shop. And I'm not sure what my other hobbies are, but maybe this is when i start finding out-- as I keep searching for the next road I need to go down..should be interesting.

And the cookies were bomb btw but I woke up feeling 28 lbs heavier.

Diaries of Misfortune

Apparently when I said "once weekly" I meant once monthly. In any event, get a load of this one:
This morning I decided I was going in late to work because honestly, who is going to notice? Well..besides my bosses who happen to be the CEO and COO, but other than that I mean WTF I work everyday, what's ten minutes, right?

Well...I get to my office and lo and behold the line for the parking garage is obscene because as usual, only one entrance is working. So I inch my way along until it's my turn to enter, I wave my pass..one time, two times...five times..six times until I am basically holding it against the censor only for it to blink red then green quickly then back to red, but no open gate. Cool. So while I have about 15 cars lined up behind mine and around the corner I get out of my car and shrug my shoulders rather emphatically to the 3 or so cars behind me. I receive several angry honks back, so I motion for them to reverse to let me out....no dice. Finally the way-too-eager-to-get-to-work woman behind me backs away to let me out. Mortified, I get back in my car and back out of the parking garage entrance and pull away slowly to see if the stupid lever is broken or if I am just special-ed.

Alas, everyone else enters no problem. So I pull around to the garage office, at this point I am running on 30 minutes late to work mind you, I throw my car next to the curb and go see what's going on. They tell me all is well in cyberspace and my card should work fine blah blah blah. So I go back to my car after warning them the raucous I just caused trying to enter, and start my car. Except..it doesn't start. Ok, turn the key harder..nope. Click click DEAD.

Sweet. So I go back to the office garage for some cables and thank god, they were able to send out the maintenance guy to jump it. That worked surprisingly well and I sauntered into work sunglasses on circa 10 am, with a meeting that I am completely and embarrassingly unprepared for in 30 minutes. It's fine. Happy Thursday to me.

Seriously.

Just really had to share this link:

Why Not Now?

Read that article then do what it says. I swear it's about me.

Diaries of Misfortune

Ever feel like things couldn't possibly get any worse? Well, usually they can but lucky for us they normally don't.

Once weekly I'll post a new misfortunate incident in the life of yours truly. A personal, weekly 'fml' anecdotal musing of sorts.  I promise you'll laugh and I promise it'll make your own unlucky episodes sting just a little, eensy-weensy, iota of a tiny bit less.

Today's phenomenon played out on this beautiful Monday morning before Christmas as follows:

1. Wake up late at 7:10 am, must leave house by 8 am for way, way, way (multiple years) long overdue dermatologist appointment
2. Shower like a 6 year old boy afraid of water, throw together a pathetic excuse of an outfit that I justify as work appropriate by adding 5 inch beige wedge heels, wolf down a yogurt and race out the door at 8:10 am, leaving 10 minutes for what is at least a 20 minute drive
3. Get the bird from man in Toyota Highlander because he's driving like a sissy and I let him know it
4. Call derm. office to let them know I'm running late, be there ....5ish minutes late. Response: "Show up more than 15 minutes late and the doc won't see you."
5. Start driving erratically
6. Pass cars on the highway, honk at anyone driving the speed limit and dodge pedestrians...eventually play chicken driving into oncoming traffic at 8:30 am to pass the slowpokes.
7. Pull into parking lot at 8:32- throw money at parking attendant and hoof it inside.
8. Frantically sign forms at reception and remind them I'm ON THE CUSP OF MISSING MY APPOINTMENT
9. Waltz in at 8:35 - doc sees me and puts a shot in my neck. Off to work we go.
10. Get awfully huge, impossible 1 person project assigned to me. Saweet.
11. Run to Post Office to pick up Customs Tags for the stupid gifts for the rich people that come to the office and act like everytime they meet me it's the first time...it starts to snow. My sinus infections worsens.
12. Back to work - sit at desk alone in the abyss of an office that I am now stuck in, devoid of interaction for the next 6 hours.
13.  Receive a call at 4:45 about the technical requirements for an 8 am meeting tomorrow- contact IT, they go home at 5...attempt to test myself.
14. Pack up laptop in frenzied rush, throw on coat and race to car at 5:15 so as not to miss (for the 2nd time) my 6 pm dentist appt.
15. It's snowing for the first time. A lot.
16. Hit every red light, traffic is backed up twice as bad as usual
17. Sit in traffic 40 minutes longer than it takes to get home - call dentist to say I'm late
18. Get to dentist, circle block for 5 minutes to find parking - throw car into spot, hobble out in 5 inch wedge heels and shuffle uphill through snow to dentist office.
19. Get in, apologize profusely to the dentist and the assistant - sit in...the chair.
20. Dentist suggests he do the filling of the right tooth, I insist he do the left- the one that the filling I received last year has extracted itself from its place inside my mouth and formed a cavity underneath what was already there. Please? He puts anesthetic on the left side. I win.
21. Dentist says "hm, welp - insurance won't cover that side." umm. what?
22. I argue. Dentist goes to his computer only to confirm that insurance won't cover it. I argue. I lose.
23. Dentist inject right side with 2 shots of novacaine. The drilling begins. I drool from both sides.
24. Finish the festivities at the dentist, decide to go to Rite Aid for Holiday wrapping paper.
25. Go inside, waste 25 minutes choosing the perfect wrapping paper design..pay, leave. Still snowing.
26. Get hit by pole-- yea, the pole hit me...because of oversized Jeep Cherokee's pathetic excuse at a parking job forcing me to execute 13 point turn. Another fail.
27. Go home and continue to drool on myself/bitch about the irony of my life.

What.a.bitchfest.

Apparently I needed to vent -- thanks for sticking with me. Next one will be a bit less....self-serving.

Painting the Canvas

Being a young adult in the States is a funny thing - there's a plan for you: you do what you're told, follow the rules, go to school to "fulfill your true potential,"you  follow your dreams upon graduation (which are inevitably always tainted by the shadow of your parents' dreams for you to be rich aka happy) and you live your young adulthood in a whirlwind of opportunity - with every resource at your disposal to build your American dream and stash money away while enjoying the remaining years of your youth.

Unfortunately, that isn't reality. ? In reality, you spend the better part of your college years learning how to party to the point of excess, you hit senior year (for some it's mid-Junior year and if you're anything like me it's senior year of high school) and realize you're about to be carelessly tossed into the beast that of society with barely a direction but knowing that you're about to embark on your career- a commitment that's intended to last about 40 or so years, no big deal. This is not just the society you've always lived in either - this one has expectations of you as a young college-educated youth, you know... responsible for the future of our country and stuff. So you're burdened with student loan debt, you have a degree that you barely know what to do with, you need money and end up desperately applying to any and every job you can find and then BAM! soon enough you're a drone. You're working 9 to 5 and making someone else rich. You're at a desk, and you're working through lunch and you're in early and you're out late and you do the same thing day after day after day after day. It's how it unfolds 9 times out of 10-- I did it. I followed the rules... I went by the plan, the one that practically came with a guarantee stamp of wealth and success and the brightest future possible, and so did all of my friends (or most of them, anyways).

But I am pretty positive that I'm not wealthy right now. Successful? To some, yes. But not by my definition of success. It took me a few years and a whole lot of long, stressful days at work to really figure out what that meant for me.

What if that whole  plan, the whole shtick about school and choosing a career and essentially forming your destiny, what if it was ALL wrong? Doesn't that societal pressure, on your parents and therefore on you, to be wealthy and successful predispose you to choosing a particular path? To following a certain "destiny" based on what other people always told you would make you happy? It's kind of a load of crap. Don't get me wrong, I'll be the first one to say that college is a great investment, but I certainly think the system needs to be reworked. I don't think 4 years at a desk, writing papers on a laptop and doing math equations out of a book, really prepare you to make the decision of what you SHOULD do for the rest of your life. Does it allow you to make a decision on what you COULD do? Of course! But maybe it's also stifling all of our true potentials at the same time.

When I was young we took a career aptitude test-- maybe 5th grade or so, when you're still so young you can be anything when you grow up! The test essentially measured your interests and hobbies (which at 10 years old mine definitely included drawing and stuffed animals) with some intelligence questions sprinkled in along with a basic skill assessment. Well, way back then my career aptitude test told me I should be a farmer.

Yep...a farmer. 

Now, I'm certainly not a farmer nor am I aspiring to be one, but I'm also not the type of person to sit myself at a desk for 10 hours a day destroying my retinas staring at a computer screen with little to no interpersonal contact and stressing out over someone else's success. I love being outside, it's one of my absolute favorite things in the world and I think if I could work outside, at least for a good chunk of my day, I'd be a pretty happy camper. So how'd I end up at a desk...and how come nothing ever came of that aptitude test? About a year ago I took another skills assessment test through the University I graduated from- want to know what that test told me I should pursue for a career? Sales.

Oh and I should mention I went to a business school.

So you tell me, how is one person prone to a career in sales AND farming? I'm not quite sure but I have a feeling it has to do with that plan-- the one everyone else feels so entitled to make for us.

What was your 5th grade destiny?

To the Max

How to be Present, Here and Now

Read this post. I promise, it's one of the most important things I could ever preach to anyone -- because it's something I think about every.single.day. Given my impatience at taking my life by the horns, this piece really epitomizes my M.O., which is to constantly strive to LIVE. Not just exist, but really be present in your life, actively engaged in every movement, every glance, every word, every thought. It's hard to maintain that mentality, but I truly believe that the better you become at being present (that doesn't include checking email during a conversation with a friend, zoning out to the TV for a span of an hour or two, updating Facebook statuses and spying on your friends...) but really realizing what is happening right now - what the world is around you at this moment, and savoring that very second. This isn't to say that everyone doesn't need a mental break, trust me, a few times a day I do zone out. But that's precisely the thing I'm trying to run from -- the corporate machine that forces your life to fit into a neat little box that consists of the same routines over and over and dealing with the same issues and never feeling compensated for your time and effort and never feeling appreciated or truly fulfilled with your contribution to society -- that's not just me, that's business.

Check out this article --it definitely reminded me of the little things that can make the aggravations of a day melt away if you just pay attention to them.