-Robert Chialdini, PhD
In psychology there is a theory that claims that in order to be successful, and view ourselves as such, we need to know that others (specifically the "right" people for the given situation) recognize us as capable and successful for the task.
Anyone that knows me knows that I can be the most indecisive person in the world, and when it comes to major life decisions? Forget it. I will consult everyone from my mom (at least a dozen times), my friends, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's parents, my grandma, my professors, my colleagues, blah blah blah. For some reason I have always found it really challenging to just make a decision and commit to it, mainly because I like to weigh any and all possible scenarios -- really, it's a loooong process.
My recent decision to quit work and move here surprisingly required much less consultation than one would think. I surprised myself in my determination to commit to a plan and do it, knowing the possible risks, high stakes involved, and huge sacrifices I would be making. In telling people about my plans, my decision wasn't met with overwhelming positivity and support by everyone, in fact a lot of people thought it was cool, but questioned it, and likely thought I had lost it.
If nothing else, the whole event has taught me that I am capable, I can make a decision - especially a big one, like quitting my perfectly stable well-paying day job to move to an island and sling beers - and be confident in my personal success. Frankly, I'm just now learning my own personal measurements of success, and I'm not so sure I want to measure it in money or possessions. There is something to be said for finding joy and happiness in simple things...while I don't think I will ever live in the middle of a nowhere in a shack with no heat and no running water...my time here has already opened my eyes up to just how unnecessary excess is. Biking to get around, buying produce from the farmer's market, having no access to a shopping mall - it's pretty incredible to realize how much money I used to blow between Target and Rite-Aid, and for no reason, just to accumulate more stuff.
All in all, the theory of social acceptance is one that's had a constant presence in my life, and recent events have taught me that this theory, while mostly accurate, doesn't have to govern every decision we make. Sure there are people that live their lives only making the decisions they want, but then there are people like me, who seek out the advice of others, assessing all possible scenarios, weighing on the guidance received and then making a final decision.
This adventure has at least allowed me to disconnect from my tendency towards social validation. There is always room for improvement, but this is for certain a step in the right direction.
Like I always say...
'just do what feels right.'
