a leap, a plunge, a dive, a jump

So in the past few months I've been doing a lot of reading, research, whatever you want to call it, on long term travel and career breaks, career changes, sabbaticals, what have you.
Yesterday I stumbled across the opportunity of a lifetime after being directed to Sean's blog Location 180. I've been toying with the idea of an international relocation for quite some time now-- but the usual excuses (work, bills, student loans, finances, etc. etc.) have kept me from committing. I looked back into Sean's old posts and found that he had gone through the EXACT same struggle before he jumped ship to Thailand with nothing but a  backpack and a laptop.

Sean pretty much grappled with the same issues I did, and I swear he was inside my head (or maybe I have been inside his) because he writes verbatim what I've been thinking all along.

Right now I'm committed to living the life I want, and only I can build it. I refuse to succumb to the pressures of society that say that I have to sit on my ass at a desk for 10 hours a day to be a productive member of society. Me firing off emails to other people wealthier than I is not contributing much to any society, except for the upper class gentry of which I'll never be a part of if I stay on this track. My motivation is lost, my mission is no longer true, and I have such an anxious yearning to do something bigger- to really follow my dreams.

I have a litmus test of sorts that I use on myself to determine if something is worth doing - it's always worked in the past, and I suspect it will work now. If I have an idea of something I want to do that scares the absolute crap out of me with not an inkling of an idea of what the potential outcome could be, or ramifications for that matter - if I'm struggling with the decision but there is an eagerness and excitement about the uncertainty... I've got to go for it. It's just how I operate and it's how I've done what I've been able to accomplish in my life so far:
- Moving to Florida from NY at age 17
- Moving to Boston from Florida at age 19
- Backpacking Europe at 21 with no plan, no guidebooks and NO clue
- Whitewater Rafting in the Swiss alps with a CRAZY Aussie guide and a bunch of Germans
- Skydiving in Western Mass. (not only skydiving but backflipping twice out of the plane)
- Whitewater Rafting the highest water release in the mountains of Maine
- Leaving a secure full time job in PR to pursue a Biz. Dev. position at an Internet startup (which later failed)
- 2 weeks of road tripping through Costa Rica including a trek through the jungle and finishing the highest, longest zipline in the country ('Superman' style -- I'll post the vid soon)

27 hour ferry ride with friends- Venice to Greece

handstands in the Coloseum

romanced in Paris

getting ready to skydive

driving through the California desert

Now I've been spending the past 2+ years in a job that I like (I use that term loosely), but it certainly doesn't thrill me. So, as usual, I am restless and ready for a change. I've had a timeline in my head since I moved back to Boston after graduating, that time came and went, and now I'm holding myself to a new timeline -- fall of 2011.  That means I need to decide and I need to decide fast.

Here are some of the plans that I'm seriously considering:

• Teaching English abroad - most likely Thailand or Taiwan, maybe S. Korea - the last two are more lucrative financially, but the first one is ...simply put.... paradise. 
• Risk: Expensive - if I pursue this it's going to mean sinking at least $4K into getting a CELTA certification, getting to my destination and incurring living expenses until work starts. CELTA is the most expensive but most broadly accepted certification, and the only one accepted in EU countries (plus it's a salary booster because of its credibility)
• Plus I would be A-L-O-N-E in a very, very different environment where I have no prior experience, no understanding of the language/culture/food/customs....life. Gotta consider my mental state, yo. Thailand is attractive due to the fact that it's home to so many expats I don't think I would feel quite so out of my element, but pay here is lower than in Taiwan or Vietnam. 
• Au Pair in Italy - always been on my bucket list to live in Italy, given the strict EU permissions around non-EU citizens working in Europe (basically impossible unless company sponsored) this seems like the way to go, plus a lot of these families are pretty loaded and looking for a nanny that can travel with the fam. 
• Not really launching me into a new career..really just delaying the inevitable.
• 6 month visa to Australia - not sure what I'd do, but it would get me out of here and settled somewhere else. I could figure this one out as I go along, I think....
• But - it's so far!!!!!!!

So there ya have it. I'll be posting my bucket list in the next few days...mostly for my own good rather than anyone else's. Gotta sort all this shit out some how - I've had a traffic jam in my brain going on 5 months that's just about ready to collide.